1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s
your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
9. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
10. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
11. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
12. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
13. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
14. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
15. A calendar’s days are numbered.
16. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
17. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
18. He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.
19. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
20. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
21. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
22. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
23. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
24. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
25. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
26. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
27. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
28. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. Note:
No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.


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